Reminded Not to Forget
19:55 May 05 2011
Times Read: 520
Today while waiting for a friend to get treatment at a local physician's office, I met a woman who shares my condition, only in the later stages. I went through a range of emotions while speaking with her. At first, of course, I experienced a natural moment of panic; her pain and distress triggered the realization of what I may endure in the future. It also triggered empathetic and sympathetic responses; this, of course, also being quite natural.
Some folk might like to deny that these responses are natural to them, but please bear in consideration that reactions to these responses will vary from person to person. The meanings of: empathy, sympathy and pity, are all quite different from one another. Where one may experience repulsion or anger, another may react with tears, or well wishes and prayers. I make no judgement about this. Reactions are always individualized. They are based on each individual's personal experience (as I believe they should be.)
What I shared with this woman today was the vestiges of our hopes and dreams. Goals and plans for a future that we shared the common knowledge we may not survive to see. Neither of us were sad, because we know a not-so-secret secret.
You don't know either.
With all that we are going through, we have set about to live. We are not envious of those with good health, a long life is no more guaranteed them than us. At any given moment their plans for tomorrow could be cut short.
It's not as dramatic as it seems, it's the way things are meant to be. Birth, life, death, and for those who believe it, rebirth; are natural cycles we cannot deny. It helps us appreciate every passing moment, even if we don't always remember to. When you recognize that you will one day die, and that your control of: when, where, and how is so very limited-you begin to see each each passing Season with new eyes. Since I've beome ill, or even more honestly, since my Mother passed a few years back; I've wanted to be immersed in the World.
Television doesn't have much appeal to me. I still appreciate a "story" once in awhile, but I've a grand desire to interact with the people surrounding me; to better appreciate the beauty of the World. I find myself more apt to want to get to the root of a problem right away, to be less likely to put things off. I try to take care in the way I treat others and how I present myself. It is, after all, the sum of my actions, in the memories of the those who knew me, that will live on after I am gone.
It may not be this illness that takes me, then again, it might. I might pass today or go on to meet my great-grandchildren. There is absolutely no way of knowing. What I do know is this, I want to have LIVED every single moment of it. That is all I need to know. In that knowledge I am content. With that knolwedge, I have become happier and a more productive me.
Therefore, in that respect, my illness has become one of the best things that has ever happened to me- after realizing the love of my friends and family-and the love I hold for myself. I am so grateful to have been blessed with this challenge, it has truly unlocked a door for me that had remained hidden for most of my life.
Re-reading this, I feel I should clarify; I still have bad days. I still get depressed. Each passing day differs. I am still capable, and guilty of: taking things for granted, procrastinating, self-pitying, whining, complaining, mistreating myself, (and shamedly) others. I'm not proud of these things, but it would be misleading not to admit them.
I merely realize now what I hadn't before. I have a choice. I can change anything I like about how I react to the events in my life. No one else can do that for me, and I wouldn't want them to. My free Will is far too precious to me.
We never exchanged names, but thank you to this courageous woman I met today, you've reminded me not to forget.
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